An elderly retired nurse called with a problem that she said had her on the brink of depression. Her husband had died four months earlier, after spending two years confined to bed with terminal cancer. The couple's ten year old male miniature breed dog had stayed with his dying owner every day and night, leaving only to eat and attend to his toilet duties. He guarded the man from all strangers, growling when people approached. He licked the old man's hair and hands, as if maternally grooming a puppy. When death finally ended his vigil, the Poodle had to be forcibly removed by the wife so ambulance personnel could safely remove the body. From that moment on the Poodle ignored the widow, refusing to allow her to pet him by growling and threatening to bite her. Their only interaction was at feeding times and to be let out and into the house for his toilet. He slept on the bed where the man had died, which was separate from the woman's bedroom.

Ironically, he enthusiastically greeted visitors, who called almost daily. The widow still drove herself for shopping, etc., and led an active social life. When she returned home, the Poodle never greeted or acknowledged her return in any way. He persisted in rejecting her affectionate advances or words. As an ex-nurse, she had seen death and grieving many times, but said she had never before heard of a situation like hers. When asked what she thought might be at the root of the strange behavior, she ventured that the Poodle might never forgive her for removing him from her husband's bed while the medics removed his body; he might, quite literally, be punishing her. She said it was emotionally quite painful to see her dog lavishing affection on all her visitors, while pointedly ignoring her.

We asked how she felt about having to take the dog away from her husband's bed. She said she was extremely upset. We then asked what she actually did. She told how she thought the dog might bite her, but that she picked him up and took him out of the room, holding him and trying to console him by petting and verbally reassuring him. 

We asked how she was faring with her own loss. She though she was doing well, since her husband's death had been expected for so long, and was a blessed relief for him from the pain.

At this point, we didn't explain the symbolic association by the dog between her affectionate treatment with the removal of her husband's body, but we did explain that her persistent affectionate approaches toward the Poodle might actually be delaying a transfer to her of his affection from her late husband. She said she could appreciate that possibility. She was asked how she thought the Poodle would react if she were to ignore the him for a week. She said he would probably be quite surprised, and that it was worth a try.

We advised her simply to be quite "clinical," but not cold, to the dog simply take care of his feedings and let him in and out of the house when needed. We asked her to phone if she had further questions, but to be sure to call back in a week to let us know how things were proceeding.

She called to report the following: